Ok, so, if you at all follow the blog that I have here and am TOTALLY inconsistent with, (life, friends, life) then you know that #NaNoWriMo didn’t pan out for me this year. I went to Mexico, fell in love with Oaxaca City and I wanted to stay on vacation forever. Getting back to any kind of work was difficult.
Also, I found out that I’m expecting a tiny child come August. If you want to follow that whole experiential journey, I’d advise you to take a look at kikisbetes.com where this complication called Type 1 diabetes is going to bring on some challenges many don’t get to face during a time of glow, baby bumps and flutters. I’m also going to be really practical about it all, so, that’ll be fun.
Anyway, back on track with what I want to talk about here. I’ve seen relationship blogs and people giving advice on how to handle certain situations, starting discussions through social media channels and I’ve also engaged with my answers to those questions because they’re fun and insightful.
Recently, I had a friend talk to me about her relationship. We spent quite some time going over what she’s gathered, what his situation was and what hers was. She brought to light some details, and instantly, I saw red flags. I’m not going to share that story now, because it would make a really great blog, but I started thinking about something that I’ve always done: I’ve always given advice on relationships and people.
It started in grammar school. I saw and was attentive to people and saw how they treated each other. I stuck up for people (girls) who didn’t have spines and would just follow as sheep, but didn’t know how to break away because of “social status” or fearing that the cool girl would be mad at them. I never understood that mentality.
Then it grew to more than friendships in junior high. I have always been the “cool girl,” The one that was friends with all the guys but none of them wanted to date. I played sports and was best friends with the cute girl in school, who’s still my best friend to this day. Guys that liked her would talk to me. Boyfriends that she broke up with would call me to express how much they couldn’t go on without her. I learned early on how to read situations in various relationships, to the point where I knew when and how to let go of things because I was bullied in school. I learned to depend on myself.
In high school, I had grown in my friendships and one of my best friends would tell me that I had “spidey senses” when it came to people. And it was sort of true. As I grew older, I’d become better at reading people and noticing things and listening overall. People’s traits become repetitive and actions really do speak louder than words.
In that same time frame, my guy friends would come to me asking me to tell them what their girlfriends meant when she said certain things. I was quite literally translating for them. I picked up more on boys than I ever really wanted. And let me tell you — high school boys and grown men aren’t very different.
As I moved on to college and into my 20s, I realized my independence and my power. I became open with a lot of different things and continued to talk to folks, but didn’t necessarily give advice anymore. If you know anyone at this age, they don’t need advice. They know how to manage their life and their concept of growing has nothing to do with personal development. It quite literally feels like survival mode. The idea of self-care is buying what they want, even if they can’t afford rent, and partying hard because they’re “here for a good time, not a long time.” Interpret that how you want.
But I kept soaking it up. I kept learning from myself, from the decisions that I made, from the experiments that I tried (oh, there are SO MANY) and now feel that I have an arsenal of, not just stories, but learnings that I want to pass on to whoever is willing to read it.
Two things before we start getting into stories:
- They won’t be in chronological order. I’m not going to tell stories I don’t remember. I will however, share anecdotes that I learned from those old situations.
- I’m not telling you what to do. I never tell people want to do because I don’t like to be told what to do. Do what you want, these are just insights.
- I’m not going to use names. If you read this and you know a story is about you, I’m not sorry. It means I learned something from you and I hope you learned something about your situation, too.
With that, I leave you to digest this material, ask questions if you want and leave a comment, should you dare.