To the Man who let me get away–
What can I say? I tried.
When it started, like the others that let me get away, you were attracted to my looks. I say this, not out of conceit, but I’m nice to look at. I’ve heard it repeatedly and other men have made the mistake of thinking that because of the way I look, my personality had to follow suit. You like the way I looked in pictures, you asked me to send them your way and I did. It was cute. Women never get tired of hearing they are lovely, especially from someone they think is lovely as well.
From day one, you were different. And because of that, I told myself that this relationship was going to be different. I wasn’t going to let things get the best of me like I had in the past. I wasn’t going to let jealousy overrun my mind and I was going to be understanding because if I wanted things to work out smoothly, I had to be. I wasn’t going to get angry; I was going to let things slide off my back and I was going to care. You weren’t going to get the baggage. You were going to get a clean slate.
I’m educated. I guess that’s the stereotype of the wo-MAN. I take pride in myself and what I do and I’m driven. I thought you wanted someone independent and driven. But little did you know that the woman inside me wanted to care for you immensely and did things so lovingly and out of desire to take care of you. I was there for whatever you needed.
As the fun of the first months began to fade, I decided I wanted to be a part of your life and started to care even more. I was proud to be with you. You were mine and I couldn’t have been happier to have someone like you in my life. But you saw that as needy. Like the other men who let me go, they too, saw that I was more than just a pretty face and they either said they weren’t enough for me, or decided to take matters into their own hands.
Did anyone ever give me a chance before they pushed me away? No. Instead, I was just the needy one that wanted too much from a man.
When you had bad days, I wanted to make it better and when you said you “couldn’t” I understood and let you be. When you didn’t understand, I wrote to you. When you let me, I spoke to you about what was on my mind. Every time you got angry, I put myself in your shoes and didn’t say a word. When you were too bothered to talk to me, I took into consideration what I knew and how I knew it and patiently waited for you to come around.
I grew to know you very well. I understood your method of communication. I knew what you meant when you said certain things and most, I understood your actions. I didn’t get angry, I didn’t get upset, all because I told myself I understood you. You talked to me. As much as you didn’t like to, you told me your secrets, you explained things to me and I valued that. It helped me understand you more.
I grew to love you. They say that love is patient and I learned that with you. For a very impatient, jealous person, I was able to harness that and put it aside– just for you. I was able to see myself with you for the long-haul and I told you that. If there was anyone I wanted next to me all the time, it was you.
However, as easy as I laid it out, it wasn’t enough to make good. It didn’t work and that’s OK. You’re not the first and you probably won’t be the last. After all of this though, I’ve grown stronger and more knowledgeable about what I want out of my next partner. I’m happy I tried. I’m happy you were in my life for the time period that you were. We had great times and I know I’ll live past this.
Regardless of all that, in the end, I say Thank You.
With all my heart,