Starting off the New Year…

While there are some people who write every day, I only write when I feel like it and that doesn’t get me anywhere, does it? It doesn’t get me to a higher position on your Google searches, it doesn’t make me more knowledgeable on the subject of anything, really and I don’t always get the pleasure from it.

So let me try something here, because I always wonder what subjects I should choose for my blog. This one here, that I call Mine, this one is about the trying times in my life, even though, for the most part, I don’t try times, nor do I blog about them. I don’t want to be basic or keen on one thing like so many people are doing right now– either asking the question, “What’s your New Year’s resolution?” or saying, “Oh, God, why is everyone asking about my New Year’s resolution?!” So I won’t go there.

There was a blog this past year about subjectivity that I wrote, which attracted the most readers and I think the most comments. It was basically my point of saying that, regardless of how much people try to be objective it’s very much impossible when it comes to anything. Why? Because you’re human. Punto!

Ok, so I also wrote a blog regarding the fact that men have been built up to have a stereotype of ever staying the same: same age, mindset and following the same narrow-minded path. Most of the time it’s true, but then again, you have those who are prodigies and exceptions to the rules. This one, although it didn’t get the highest amount of views or comments still created a small (actually, tiny) stir among those gracious people who decided to read it.

Then an idea popped up and has been touched upon over and over again: Why are men so selfish? That’s the question.  This subject has been touched on recently in my life (on purpose or on accident) in conversations, movies and reality; from the question of why do men always think that they are somehow special compared to women just because history says so,  to the idea that men are weak and think of the now, especially pro athletes who give in to the women throwing themselves at them (yes, that is an act of selfishness because you are not being considerate of your wife or girlfriend, if you have one.  *Ahem* Tiger Woods.)  Now, before every man who reads this blog goes berserk (and that might only be my one and only), you might actually be the exception to the rule.

But like Dr. Denis Leary says in his book, “Why We Suck,” stereotypes are there because they’re true and enough men and women have made this same exact point: Men are selfish. Why should they give a damn about nagging women who only want them to look better, dress better, act better or be cleaner? All they do is tell them what to do, so logically, he, as a man, has to look out for himself. But seriously, what’s the problem with spending some quality time together and not watching TV? Or not moving for two seconds? Or being responsible? All men think about is what they want to do, when they want to do it and how they want to do it. Right? But what about those women who actually care about you?

Then there are gender roles. “I don’t need to learn that,” “I don’t need to do that,” “That’s not what a man does.” You hear those a lot especially when it comes to kids or the kitchen. Sometimes when people separate jobs or responsibilities according to gender, I want to slap them. Gender is constructed by the mind, didn’t know you that? Sex is constructed by your father’s genes that decide whether you will be a male or female. You have those body parts because you’re a man or a woman, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t cross the gender role lines. Just saying. Women can shovel snow, watch football and sit with their legs open. Most don’t because it’s not lady-like. What does that even mean? All I’m saying is that when put up to it, women can do what men do. And vice versa.  And sometimes do it better. Tell me, why is it that women are getting better at jobs and men are getting better and dressing? Are more people crossing gender roles? Are more people “turning” gay?!! Oh, no! Humanity. Neither. We’re learning from one another. Isn’t that how it should be?

I like being a woman, and my boyfriend always says that I’m twice the man he’ll ever be. Why? Because I like sports and I do things boyishly. Roughly. I’m not dainty nor am I cutesy. I scare men away because of my ball-busting language. Not lady-like, but I know I can stick up for myself and defend myself if I need to. Whenever. Some people may take offense to that because who says a woman can’t do those things, right? But hey, I’m no girly girl, so I don’t mind. We’re also not stuck on gender roles, that is, until heavy lifting is involved. It’s all you, sweetie pie!

Unlike my boyfriend, who gets that for the most part, I’m the way I am, there are plenty of men who are selfish in terms of what they should do and not do and how they should feel when put in a predicament. Granted, there are some who are worse than others. For instance, there are men who don’t appreciate what is done for them because they’ve been pampered all their lives. They don’t care what their girlfriend goes out of her way to do, they won’t say thank you, they won’t acknowledge because all they think about it how they feel and what they got out of it. Truth. There are also men who can’t take advice from a woman because they know how to do everything. And if you’re the woman who plays dumb to keep the man, shame on you. Brains are sexy.

So here are a few things that you can do as a man and/or woman to help this situation:

  • As a woman, I say put your foot down, girls. Tell him how you feel and what you want out of certain situations. Don’t be his mother and don’t threaten him with sex or lack thereof. That’s just low.
  • Men, if you have a woman who you know does things for you and you want to show her your appreciation, just say thank you. It does go a long way. If she’s a good woman, she’ll accept it with gratitude.
  • Women, stop whining. If he doesn’t want to do something, you can’t make him. You just can’t. Remember, the only thing you can control is yourself and how you feel. The more you react to a situation, the more you lose control.
  • Men, set aside a time to do something for her. Not just with her and not just something that she wants to do, but FOR her. If you’re open and experienced as a man with woman, you’ll know what I mean. Does she need help with something? Has she been asking you for something recently that you haven’t done? Do it.
  • Just because he doesn’t notice you ONE time, doesn’t mean he doesn’t notice you at all. Please see #3.
  • You both have the right to say no. If you don’t want to do something, just say so. I was put in a situation where I always had to say yes or else I would be afraid of what would happen if my man (at the time) left. I’ve seen the repercussions of it, but I’ve realized that that’s not normal. I have the right to say no, just as my boyfriend does.
  • You don’t have to do everything together. You don’t. I get the best stories from my boyfriend when he does things on his own and I tell him so much more when I do things on my own. It gives us a lot to talk about, even though we’re both incessant talkers.
  • Do you know why you fell in love with each other? Do you remember how you were and how you acted and who you were? Don’t completely change that. Be you and unless you were some cruel heart breaker before you were overtaken by the warm of love, you can keep the life you had. Remember, your significant other shouldn’t be there because you NEED them to be there (not at first, anyway) but because you WANT them to be there.
  • Your significant other is not supposed to be your other half, they’re supposed to COMPLIMENT you.
  • As an individual, both men and women can be selfish creatures. But remember, there is someone else you’re sharing your time and space with. Don’t be afraid to thank them and love them for taking on that challenge and blessing. It’s one big learning experience.


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