I’m totally happy with the last Cafe Media blog post. It felt good to write it. But here, I’m going to keep it more general. I can always focus more about the feminine issues and relationships here among other things. When I first started blogging on the new cafemagazine.com Web site, I wrote about how women need women in their lives. It’s funny because ever since I’ve been thinking about this blog post, things have happened and I’ve been involved in situations where the importance of women has conveniently floated my way.
I’ve always seen myself as a strong woman. I’ve not always been this strong, but I’ve grown into my own skin and realized that there are things that I have to shake off along with knowing that I have to believe in myself in order to keep going. If I can’t find that in myself, who else am I going to look to?
Anyway, this past week I met up with my friend Rosa after she and two of her oldest friends growing up met for dinner. I arrived during dessert. They were talking so openly about everything that it caught me off guard. I wasn’t shocked, but I realized that it had been a while since I talked or heard women openly talking about relationships and sexuality. I used to be able to do that until I found out that my conversations were used to entertain a group of young men (fail, big time on the chismosa’s part). I’m not assuming that they were just my stories being retold as there were four of us girls who used to talk a lot. Or maybe the other three girls thought my life was so entertaining they used my tales as entertainment for everyone they came across. Who knows?
Anyway, I realized how much I missed talking openly to women. How much I needed support and regardless of my past or bad decisions I’ve made, I need to know that I’m not the only one and that other women have been in the same boat, parallel to mine in the great wide ocean of life. I still have that. Grant it, they’re not the same three girls but they’re new women with aspirations and dreams and ambition like me.
A lot of the time, I’ve been persecuted even though I myself try not to judge anyway and am always as accepting as I possibly can be. Be real, that’s the only thing I ever ask. If you’re aggravated, be aggravated. If you’re happy, be happy. If you’re sad, be sad. It’s very simple. Be real and true to yourself.
Along the same lines with these women from the dinner table, I watched “I love you, Man” and although it was about this guy who didn’t have any friends, it was about the close-knit companionship that the women shared. If we have to always be pretty, dainty and lady-like, where else are we going to express the anger and aggressiveness that, as human beings, we have too?
Men don’t want to see that, so who better to show that to than other women like ourselves? It only makes sense, right?
And trust me, this was all happening before any of us watched Sex and the City. I find it hilarious to hear that men believe it was THAT show that began all of this, independent, feminist, I-can-do-it-too attitude. It’s not just about sex or just about acting like a man in relationships. It was about growing in a friendship and having people to see you grow and change throughout the torment of dating a variety of different men trying to find the right one.
It was about the four different women who represented a piece of the women in society. It was slightly a mirror in one way and an abstract representation in another. The whole, “Why would you watch that? It turns you into a bitch who loves shoes” isn’t necessarily correct. In fact, it’s not at all.
Some women, sure, look at it that way, but plenty of others don’t. In fact, I’m sure women realized that some of those stereotype situations happened to them, and in fact, it made them feel part of something bigger. You’re not the only one. It allowed for women to talk about the issues that the HBO show presented. It didn’t just talk about sex and women roles in it, it talked about real issues like death, betrayal and sometimes the real life situations that are found in TV shows. Mind you, it was a TV show. Remember that.
Just because I started watching it after the show was over, didn’t change me. I didn’t start loving stilettos. I didn’t start drinking cosmo martinis. In fact, I could relate with the characters. I could relate with the writer’s block, with the confusion of dating, with the strong wills that didn’t allow for any of the women to back down and for the cynicism that each of them expressed because I had been there on my own.
Sometimes you don’t have girls to do that with. Sometimes they don’t understand. And a lot of times, it doesn’t have to do with the lack of respect but the spotlight that pointed to the choices that you made.
Of course you have that other side that says, the women are needy and that there would be no basis for the show if there was no sex, and that’s true to an extent. But that’s up to the viewer to differentiate and judge. I saw how these characters were needy and man hungry, but that didn’t mean that I was going to be like that at all, nor did it make me that way if you think I’m needy and man hungry.
Instead, I had always had my girls. In college, when those chismosa high school girls weren’t around any more, I had professional women that I hung out with and talked to about a variety of issues that they too, found to be true in their lives. We opened up to each other about everything and although we might not have gone into crazy detail, the expression of feelings, wonderment and “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO NOW?” questions that floated around every so often made us closer and confident that there really was someone to hear us out and it wasn’t a man.
I appreciate those women and I acknowledge them for who the were and who they’ve grown into. We were there for each other and in a way always will be. Pa’ ‘rriba las mujeres!